Thoughts and feelings:
Confused about how tight the uniform should be. Answer: tighter than skin so an opponent can't grab it. Okay, now it makes sense.
Anxious: that I'm being a bother with my many questions. Note to self: Next time you're in the know, or in charge of leading others, and others are clueless, remember this feeling and be patient, even asking them if they have questions. What comes as second nature to you may be putting them on the verge of tears or anger. Reassure them that trying new things is great, that we are all here for each other, that they are not being a bother with their many questions. Be available and stay nearby. Go out of your way to serve and take initiative. Don't assume that someone else will be there for them.
Having finally helped Joel change in the equipment shed into the exchanged pads, girdle, pants, and all--sweating from the heat and humidity and blood pressure from anxiety, I steered Joel to the field and told him to have fun. Then I spread out my blanket, began reading my magazine ,and nibbled on pistachios. I concluded this was going to take some getting used to. Not knowing what I'm doing. Not knowing anybody. Not having dinner at 7.
The woman next to me was sitting on a Target bag. No chair, no blanket. She had just finished complaining about her plight to someone on the phone. When she hung up, I asked her if she'd like to share my blanket but she said, "No, thanks.I'm okay." I felt slightly rejected, but decided to get over it. If she wanted to confine her hiney to a slippery square foot of plastic on a slope, fine. But it sure sounded to me like the better option would be to share a twin-size comforter away from chiggers and rocky grass.
Note to self: Next time you complain in a man's hearing (ie mainly your husband's), remember that his "solution" is meant as a help. Maybe all you want is to be heard. That's okay. But don't reject his solution out of hand or assume he's just trying to shut you up. He doesn't think like a woman or act like a woman. If he did, you would not have been attracted to him in the first place.
It was a beautiful evening and Joel was gaining a bit of confidence with each drill.
Cuteness: A little 2-year-old girl was entertaining me as I watched her play on the hill. She would venture farther from her mom, enlarging the circle she was running. Her mom would say, "Honey, you need to come over here near me." And the tot said, "I'm okay, Momma. I'm okay." Yes, in her cuteness she was disobedient, and I was glad she wasn't my responsibility. She would've been taken to the van for some spanctification. And who knows? Maybe the mom will discipline the cutie pie later.
Note to self: Be grateful for the emotional security your older children have in saying, "I'm okay, Momma. I'm okay." Really, they are. They have the confidence to widen their circles, to lengthen their radius from Momma. You're watching from a distance and even when they're out of your sight, God is still watching them. When they disobey, He will measure out discipline.
My attitude: starting to see the "bigger picture" through this new experience. Seeing again my selfishness, self-righteousness, pride, insecurities, confidences,
ignorance. Realizing I am not as prone to trying new things as I thought I was. More understanding of what comes naturally to me does not mean it comes naturally to others. Realizing that almost everyone would rather be reached out to than do the reaching. We are fearful and selfish, or a combination of the two. Help me, Lord, to be different.
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