Friday, July 27, 2012

Olympic Jokes

My favorite pages of Reader's Digest are the humor pages. This month the issue features  "Olympic Jokes We Love," one of which I shared earlier. (A reporter walking through Olympic Village  asks a guy with an 8-ft  long metal stick if he's a pole vaulter.  "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?")

There are 9 others on that page of jokes, and I want to post a few of them. 

You get to play judge. Choose the gold, silver, and bronze jokes from among the six I'm adding here. (If you think Pole Walter ranks up there, let me know where.)


1.  The final round of the hammer throw event comes down to a Russian soldier, a Bulgarian farmer, and Larry, who lives with his parents.   The Russian throws first: 85 meters. Interviewed later, he says, "I'm  from a military family, which gives me discipline. "  Then the Bulgarian throws 88 meters.  He tells reporters, "I'm from a farming family.  This gives me strength."  It's Larry's turn.  He slings the hammer 95 meters, winning gold!  Later, he explains, "I'm from a long line of lazy people, and I was taught, 'If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far away as you can.'"

2.  How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?  You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

3.   Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics.  Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "OK, is everybody ready to start now?"
                                                                                                                           Jack Handey

4.    I have a problem with that silver medal.  It's like, "Congratulations, you almost won.  Of all the losers, you're the number one loser.  No one lost ahead of you."
                                                                                                                                Jerry Seinfeld

5.    The Cuban boxer is taking a beating when the bell rings.   As he staggers to his corner, his coach whispers, "Let him hit you with the left. Your face is crooked."

6.   The French, German, and Hungarian fencers are arguing over who is the best in their sport.   The Frenchman pulls out his foil:  "I will show you all!"  He targets a fly buzzing around, and with one swipe of his blade, the fly falls to the ground, cut neatly in half.   The German smiles.  He locates another fly, and with two swipes, it falls to the ground, its wings neatly removed.  Now it's the Hungarian's turn.  Lifting his foil, he takes three swipes at a fly, which flutters off, undisturbed.  The others laugh, but the Hungarian holds up his hands.  "That fly," he says, "will never procreate again."


Time to judge. Which joke above wins bronze? Silver? Gold?  Before you vote, here's another thing for a chuckle.

No comments: