You're Invited, but not Cordially

Today I'm having a pity party. You are invited.  From experience, however, I have noticed that pity parties are not well-attended, but the hosts and hostesses keep inviting anyway. It's been a while since I had a really big one. I mostly party alone or with immediate family in order to keep the friends I have.   But I am pulling out all the stops since I've already pulled out most of my hair.

This pity party has kind of been open-house since Saturday night.  We came home from a wonderful day in West Chester and Philly (the hubs, the boy, and I).  A very full, exhausting day of shopping, eating, and going to a singer-songwriters' circle.  I will blog about that in the very near future, but for now there's a party goin' on right here. 

It started when we walked in the door at 11 pm Saturday night.  There was dog mess all over the kitchen floor. (Some of you might want to click the X on your screen at this moment.)  Apparently Brownie, our soon-to-be 14-year old German shorthaired pointer (or "GPS" as my vet says, oddly enough, for a half-blind, half-mute dog) had taken leave of her bowels in our absence. I think it was the change in diet from dry to canned food because I had just run out of the dry.  It took me close to an hour to get it cleaned up (sort of a three-step process).  I use this stuff called Odo-Ban which thus far has worked wonders.  (Available at Home Depot, it is stuff that kennels use to clean with, but can also be used throughout the house and in laundry.) 

I went to bed at midnight Saturday and awoke Sunday morning to another mess.

Sunday night (last night) I decided to sleep on the sofa so that I could wake up and clean her messes as they happened. The smell works better than any alarm clock ever has, let me tell you. I cleaned up a  mess at 11:14 pm, 2:35 a.m., and 3:38 a.m., then went upstairs to get the smell out of my nostrils and try to get catch some Z's.  (In this house, Z's are not hard to catch. We have a bunch of them lying around-- at night especially.)   I was about to get online at 5 a.m. to invite ya'll to this party when  I was unable to fall asleep, but one last desperate prayer God heard, and I didn't wake up again till after 8:30. 

Lord knows I needed those 3 and a half hours of sleep because I would need them. Woke to find 5 messes--brown splotches--or should I say Brownie splotches?--decorating my kitchen floor.  I was running low on caffeine and patience at that moment, but I remained calm on the outside. I simply made coffee and went about the business of taking care of her business.  

For three hours.  Yes, it was a 3-hour tour, the likes of which Gilligan, the Professor, and Ginger were all screaming, "Get us off this stinkin' island!!!"   Napkins, Clorox Wipes, Odo-Ban, then finally bleach water because the Odo-Ban did not ban enough odo.

During the cleaning phase, Brownie--who has seldom even tried to get away from house and home--bolted somehow through the fence--and a neighbor came ringing our bell to tell us that Brownie was all the way down the street. Running! That old girl takes ten whole minutes to get her legs under her in the morning, so I was shocked to hear it was her who went dashing down the hill like a puppy.

Was it the fresh air? Maybe it was because she was 10 pounds lighter since Saturday and she could practically fly.   I know I'd fly out if I could right now.

My husband has threatened to take her back to the lady we got her from . Trial period, he reminded me.  I have been at my wit's end over the happenings out my dog's rear end, but not to the point of returning her. I think it was just the change of food.  The love I feel for her compels me to clean up after her. She must feel miserable. I know the rest of the family is miserable from the smell.  But it won't last forever.

This 2 shall pass.