I found myself holding my breath quite literally between November and January. It was completely subconscious, but became almost a habit. Deep in thought pondering the "what ifs", I had to remind myself to exhale. And inhale all the way. Is this normal or common?
"Take every thought captive ," scripture says. I'd have to swap a thought like "I'm too young to be a widow" with "Jesus, you will never leave me or forsake me ."
Another thought would be how big this house would feel with just me and my son in it. Big and quiet and full of memories. Lonely, scary, overwhelmingly big.
Breathe....he's not dead! Be thankful for how capable he is, and tell him. "Encourage one another while it is called Today," I'd remember. And I got much better at expressing my gratitude to Paul for how handy he is and quick to fix things around the house.
Another recurring thought made me panicked: I couldn't be a single mom! No way! But God would swoop into my mind and say, "My grace is sufficient for you."
After awhile, it seemed as if this exchange of negative thoughts with God's eternal promises was coming more easily. It occurred to me that my thinking on scripture should be like breathing. Take it in deeply, let it out. Of course sin will always interfere this side of heaven, but I can make conscious decisions throughout the day to think on Him, the Breath of Heaven.