I can't tell you how often I have this inner wrangling about how good my life and circumstances are versus the lives and circumstances of so many other people. I also wrangle with contentment. Sometimes I love stuff, sometimes I just want to throw it all away and keep what I need for today. Often I wrangle with wanting newer updated things for the home in the name of hospitality, only to realize that I have spiritualized my cravings for the twin idols of beauty and order as I define them.
Such has been the case for the past two weeks. Having been caring for sick family members or getting sick myself over a week ago, I've had a lot of "down" time to read, watch TV, play and work on the computer, think, and pray--all the things to contribute to the exercise of soul-searching. I've found myself whining and giving thanks within the same five-minute span.
Last night I watched the Oprah Winfrey special on the opening of her new Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa. Oh, the tears that flowed as I watched these girls and heard their stories.One girl gets up at 4 a.m. every day to walk to the school bus ,through a very dangerous community where men and young guys slur sexual comments and threats at her. One girl lives in a shack no bigger than my son's bedroom with her grandmother and younger brother. The place has no electricity and no running water. How often have I complained, when seeing my neighbors remodeling their bathrooms, that I, too, would like to bring our master bathroom out of the 80s? One girl said sometimes her family eats just one meal a week--a week!--and drinks only water they've carried from afar. I complain that I hate to grocery shop because there are too many decisions to make and it's drudgery to put the food in the cart/put it on the belt/pack it or have it packed/pay for it/load it into the van/unload it to the house/load it to the fridge.
Never mind that I have five different grocery stores within a five-mile radius to choose from. Never mind that I have a van whose doors open with a remote push-button gadget--and close the same way! Never mind that I have never, ever wanted for food in my life.
Sometimes I find myself giddy with excitement when planning our next project. Paul is a capable handyman and can tackle almost anything he puts his mind to. He is a careful planner and budgeter, so our projects don't run away with our wallets. I am the dreamer and I can get lost in magazines and catalogs that show the kind of interiors that I think would make me comfy. Then, at other times, I look around and say, "Father God, is it a sin to say I feel too blessed materially? Why do I live in suburban America anyway? Is this any place to suffer? Can I really share in your sufferings here?" He has drawn my lines in such pleasant places, what can I say?
Sure, in my past I've known poverty, but I've always felt blessed. Even in college when I had a city apartment without a kitchen and did dishes in the bathtub and cooked macaroni and cheese on a 2-burner hot plate, I still felt privileged to have a place of my own and an income to afford my half of a $220/month rent. I still felt very privileged to be going to college at all.
As a preacher's kid in rural Kansas, we were poor as the sand on the town streets, but did I know it? No. The church and community were so generous with us; we always had a full pantry and invitations to lunch by Stella Moore or Marion and Lola Steinmetz. (The two most hospitable people in town were Stella and Marion, who were sister and brother. I would have loved to known their parents! Talk about leaving a legacy of hospitality! Just as a sidenote, Marion's affectionate name for Lola was "Katrina." It was hard for me in 2005 to hear "Katrina" and think of it negatively.)
I remember the days when family vacations were few and far between. My favorite one of all time, growing up, was the summer we went to Colorado for a week. Again, we couldn't afford it on a clergyman's salary, but a wealthy and generous lady named Sara gave Daddy $200 to take his wife and (then) three girls on vacation. We rode horses through Estes Park and ate those little Kellogg's one-serving cereals for breakfast while camping . I was too young and naive to realize that this vacation cost money. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I found out who funded the trip. My sister told me. The next trip I took to Kansas I thanked Sara, as best as I could through my choked-up words and salty tears. She didn't remember having done that. It's so like her. But to this day, when someone mentions Colorado or I see those midget cereal boxes, I am inspired to make life a little more comfortable for someone else.
My wrangling always ends in praise; I don't want to give the impression I am sorry for what I have. God decides and it's up to me how to respond. It's just that, in my human wisdom, I want everyone to have it as good as I do.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, how I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, oh for grace to love Him more!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Russia Trip Update
I made a deposit today after getting a check for books I sold to a homeschooler in South Dakota.
Our grand total in the savings account is $1,113.00. We need $6000 plus $400 for visas, so as you can see, we are still far from our goal. But am I discouraged? Not at all. I love living by faith. Just LOVE it. I feel , at the tender age of 41, like the missionaries I've always loved reading about, whose hearts are pulsing to get to do God's work on foreign soil, but needing the support of God's people to get there.
Sarah has submitted a draft of a sponsorship letter. Paul and I will be reading it over this weekend and Sarah and I will address the envelopes and mail the letters next week. If you've already supported us financially and happen to get a letter anyway, please don't shoot us. We want to circulate specifics for how to pray for us.
I continue to offer a few fundraisers of my own:
1) Spring wreaths: if you'd like one for spring, please place an order now. I will grab up the best deals when I know ahead of time what people are hoping for. The lady I sold the books to wants to order a Gift Card Wreath for her daughter away at college who won't be able to come home for Easter. Ellen is going to tuck in cards for her daughter's favorite coffee shop, bookstore, grocery, and maybe the movies. Great idea, huh?
2) Personality wreaths. I love to make these. Think birthday or just-because. Tell me all about a special person for whom you'd like to have a special wreath. Maybe she's into accessories, gardening, reading, and cooking. Maybe she's a grandmother with lots of hobbies and grandkids. Or maybe that special person is a guy.
3) Coat of Arms Wreath. This is a new one. Tell me about your family. What would you say are some identifying marks of your family? If I were to make one for our family, I'd make a green leafy base and affix a guitar, a computer, a weight bench, some kiddoes, a basketball, and a Superman action figure. I'd put it on our front door.
4) Pen bouquets. Since I have a penchant for pens, I like to have one at the ready all the time. I borrowed the idea of pen bouquets from Mitzy, who saw it at a friend's house. Each pen is a "stem" to which I hot-glue silk flowers and leaves. You put ten of them in a vase or jar or tin, and voila! A pen bouquet! Ten pens for ten bucks. Colors to fit your decor, or to match the decor of a gift recipient. You provide the container or I'll do it for you for an extra five bucks.
5) Editing. My son says he'll pay me to write the whole paper due Monday for English. I reminded him there's a difference between writing and editing! Anyway, I will gladly exchange some red ink for greenbacks.
6) eBay. On a trial basis, I am giving things to Sacha to sell for me on commission. I may eventually get into eBay myself. Paul is researching it with me (translate: he's holding a rein on my eager-beaver enterprising until he is confident it would be worth my while).
7) Free lance writing. I am currently researching the magazine most likely to accept an essay I wrote after a team from our church went to Uganda. Any suggestions?
8) Food service. I had to take a vacation from the soup kitchen, so to speak, to care for my family's health. Soup season's almost over, but if you would like to request anything homemade, I'll see what I can cook up.
Thank you again for your ongoing support. It means a lot to have friends and family who are opening their hearts and wallets for the sake of the gospel. What else is more important, when you think about it? Like the song says, "You can have all this world, just give me Jesus."
Our grand total in the savings account is $1,113.00. We need $6000 plus $400 for visas, so as you can see, we are still far from our goal. But am I discouraged? Not at all. I love living by faith. Just LOVE it. I feel , at the tender age of 41, like the missionaries I've always loved reading about, whose hearts are pulsing to get to do God's work on foreign soil, but needing the support of God's people to get there.
Sarah has submitted a draft of a sponsorship letter. Paul and I will be reading it over this weekend and Sarah and I will address the envelopes and mail the letters next week. If you've already supported us financially and happen to get a letter anyway, please don't shoot us. We want to circulate specifics for how to pray for us.
I continue to offer a few fundraisers of my own:
1) Spring wreaths: if you'd like one for spring, please place an order now. I will grab up the best deals when I know ahead of time what people are hoping for. The lady I sold the books to wants to order a Gift Card Wreath for her daughter away at college who won't be able to come home for Easter. Ellen is going to tuck in cards for her daughter's favorite coffee shop, bookstore, grocery, and maybe the movies. Great idea, huh?
2) Personality wreaths. I love to make these. Think birthday or just-because. Tell me all about a special person for whom you'd like to have a special wreath. Maybe she's into accessories, gardening, reading, and cooking. Maybe she's a grandmother with lots of hobbies and grandkids. Or maybe that special person is a guy.
3) Coat of Arms Wreath. This is a new one. Tell me about your family. What would you say are some identifying marks of your family? If I were to make one for our family, I'd make a green leafy base and affix a guitar, a computer, a weight bench, some kiddoes, a basketball, and a Superman action figure. I'd put it on our front door.
4) Pen bouquets. Since I have a penchant for pens, I like to have one at the ready all the time. I borrowed the idea of pen bouquets from Mitzy, who saw it at a friend's house. Each pen is a "stem" to which I hot-glue silk flowers and leaves. You put ten of them in a vase or jar or tin, and voila! A pen bouquet! Ten pens for ten bucks. Colors to fit your decor, or to match the decor of a gift recipient. You provide the container or I'll do it for you for an extra five bucks.
5) Editing. My son says he'll pay me to write the whole paper due Monday for English. I reminded him there's a difference between writing and editing! Anyway, I will gladly exchange some red ink for greenbacks.
6) eBay. On a trial basis, I am giving things to Sacha to sell for me on commission. I may eventually get into eBay myself. Paul is researching it with me (translate: he's holding a rein on my eager-beaver enterprising until he is confident it would be worth my while).
7) Free lance writing. I am currently researching the magazine most likely to accept an essay I wrote after a team from our church went to Uganda. Any suggestions?
8) Food service. I had to take a vacation from the soup kitchen, so to speak, to care for my family's health. Soup season's almost over, but if you would like to request anything homemade, I'll see what I can cook up.
Thank you again for your ongoing support. It means a lot to have friends and family who are opening their hearts and wallets for the sake of the gospel. What else is more important, when you think about it? Like the song says, "You can have all this world, just give me Jesus."
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Sick but not lacking Humor
I posted this on my Kidbits blog, but I don't know how many people read that one. It's a log of many funny things that proceed out of the mouths of my babes, mostly my youngest's mouth.
I took him to the doctor yesterday when his fever hadn't subsided for two days . While I never actually took his temperature, I guessed it was at least 100, maybe higher since he was emanating heat from his body.
Of course, by the time we got to the appointment, he didn't feel warm to me.
The nurse took his temp. She said, "It's 97.5"
"That low?" I asked. "Hmmm!"
Joel reasoned out loud: "That's because I'm only 5."
The nurse chuckled, left the room, and in came the doctor. I like her because she asks the child to describe what's going on with their tummies, their throat, their ears, their poopies. Joel was fine talking about the tummy, throat, and ears, but when she asked, "Are your poopies like water or are they normal?" he pointed to me.
"You answer, Mom. "
"Joel, you can tell her, cuz I'm not sure. "
"They're normal," he admitted, as if divulging classified information.
She did a rapid strep test on him and one of the swab sticks got stuck in the roof of his mouth, poor thing. Dr. Y said, "I'm sorry, that's gross." She left the room after unsticking the stick.
As we were walking through the parking lot to leave, he said the same thing he did the last time we visited the doctor. "She didn't do a very good job. I'm still sick."
With all the compassion I could muster without laughing, I said, "Well, honey, she is a very good doctor, but only Jesus heals us. The doctor can only tell you what's wrong and give you medicine and stuff. It's up to Jesus to actually make you better."
"Well, I still say she's not a very good doctor. Listen:..." (He coughed to prove his point.)
I took him to the doctor yesterday when his fever hadn't subsided for two days . While I never actually took his temperature, I guessed it was at least 100, maybe higher since he was emanating heat from his body.
Of course, by the time we got to the appointment, he didn't feel warm to me.
The nurse took his temp. She said, "It's 97.5"
"That low?" I asked. "Hmmm!"
Joel reasoned out loud: "That's because I'm only 5."
The nurse chuckled, left the room, and in came the doctor. I like her because she asks the child to describe what's going on with their tummies, their throat, their ears, their poopies. Joel was fine talking about the tummy, throat, and ears, but when she asked, "Are your poopies like water or are they normal?" he pointed to me.
"You answer, Mom. "
"Joel, you can tell her, cuz I'm not sure. "
"They're normal," he admitted, as if divulging classified information.
She did a rapid strep test on him and one of the swab sticks got stuck in the roof of his mouth, poor thing. Dr. Y said, "I'm sorry, that's gross." She left the room after unsticking the stick.
As we were walking through the parking lot to leave, he said the same thing he did the last time we visited the doctor. "She didn't do a very good job. I'm still sick."
With all the compassion I could muster without laughing, I said, "Well, honey, she is a very good doctor, but only Jesus heals us. The doctor can only tell you what's wrong and give you medicine and stuff. It's up to Jesus to actually make you better."
"Well, I still say she's not a very good doctor. Listen:..." (He coughed to prove his point.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)