Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Too Sad

I went to bed sobbing, a deep hemorrhagic sob.
  I woke up with the feeling that  I was holding back a river.
Cries buried so far down it takes a bulldozer to excavate them from my stony heart.
The heart i have hardened to shield it from more pain.
And yet,once the tears start,nothing stops them
till  I am drained.
But what is my sorrow compared to that of others?
Have   I a right or reason to  grieve this much?
So what if my sorrow isn't from losing someone close to me?
I feel deeply the pain of others. Those   I see  weekly. Those I have never met.
I  sense great losses in my life which are not caused by death,
but by erosion and evil.
A nomad,
I feel lost and alone,
Not wanting to burden friends with my loads,
But craving human intimacy.
Strength is fleeting.
Joy is like cotton candy...
sweet while it lasts, but soon gone in an airy puff of sugar.
Dread hovers over me like a thick, grey fog.
Sadness wraps me up in a blanket, swaddling me with loneliness.
My bones ache.
Where is my solace,
Where is my balm?
Oh, Father, send Jesus again.
Hurry! We need Him.
I need Him.
We need out of this sick and sinful world.
I need out.
I am sick and sinful,
Wayward and weary.
Too sad to express these thoughts with words alone, .
I groan.
I ache.
I sob.
O
When,
Lord Jesus,
Will  I see your face
And know that I Am
Home?

3 comments:

Debby@Just Breathe said...

(((HUGS)))

Lea also known as "CiCi" said...

Wishing you peace and comfort during this Christmas season. Life is so hard and some days it seems difficult to just put one foot in front of the other. But, hang on, joy comes in the morning!

Laurie said...

Home sounds sooo good. ISomeday we'll be complete and at Home as it's meant to be. someday. soon.
To see His face! Though we could not bear to face Him without His sacrificial and Redeeming love!
He who was and is and is to come!
His Life, His Birth, His Death, Resurrection and Victory over death!
Future sinlessness. Future eternal Bliss.
Future Life before His radiance and glory.
Eternal life at Home before His face
And His satisfied eyes
May we be refreshed anew by His Advent
And look expectantly for His Return!
Love, hugs and a prayer for the Comforter's balm!
Love ya!