Hurricanes and Funny Things

                                  Sandy, We're Prepared for Your Visit but Aren't Looking Forward to It.

Living just a burp from the Chesapeake Bay here in Maryland has us in a precarious locale.  Hurricane Sandy is threatening to bear down like a woman in labor with septuplets in the northeast.
If she bears down like Isabel did in 2003, we're in trouble.  And by "we" I mean the whole state, but some of us have 2,000-ft trees behind our houses (give or take a few hundred feet). 

Some of my friends live literally down the street from the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay or have waterfront property.  They experienced the same kind of storm surge back then that could happen again. Ten foot swells suddenly ravaged the little town of Dundalk where we used to live. One of my friends lost her cousin in that hurricane. He went out for a walk through the neighborhood, got disoriented, and drowned.  Another family friend lost the home they had begun to build. People fled to their second story bedroom windows to be rescued by police boats. Scary stuff.  We have stocked up on essential food and water, toilet paper, batteries and sunflower seeds. When my husband is nervous, he chews on sunflower seeds like a squirrel on steroids.

They're calling it Frankenstorm. If areas in the western portion of the state get the coldfront that's coming their way, the hurricane could ostensibly be like a freakish monster snowstorm.

We got a freakish snowstorm on October 29th last year.  It was just about the only snow we got all winter, and came right on the day we were hosting a big party for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary.  We got more snow in what was supposed to SPRING!  And then this past August, we were expecting a thunderstorm, a normal, "garden variety" kind.  But we got a derecho that put much of Baltimore out of power for days on end.

So, all that to say this: when it comes to freakish weather, we can count on it! We are bracing for Sandy. Too bad such a horrible storm shares a name with some of my favorite people.


                                      First Grade Funnies are Just the Best.

Yesterday I subbed for the first grade teacher at our little Christian school.  Oh, my. Those kids are funny and they don't even know it.

As I was reading them the story of Eliezer going out under Abraham's order to find a wife for Isaac,
I told them that they were in the land of Mesopotamia.   I asked them to repeat the word.  Mess-uh-puh-tay-mee-uh. They did very well. Then one little girl raised her hand.  "I know why they call it Mesopotamia.  Because it has the word "mess up" in it because a lot of people mess up there."

I squelched my giggle and told her I bet they do mess up a lot there. I wasn't about to launch into a discussion about it being the hub of modern day terrorist groups.  Talk about mess-up potamia.

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Same class, at short recess (11 a.m-ish). We are fifteen minutes behind schedule, but no biggie in the whole scheme of things (to me, anyway).

I notice a little girl crying.
Me: What's wrong, honey?
Her: I just really miss Miss Thomason.
Me: Aww. That's sweet. I bet she'll be glad to know you missed her.
Her: She's a good teacher.
Me: Yes, she sure is . Do you want to be a teacher when you grow up?
Her:  Maybe. I've thought about it. But I've got time to decide.


A little later, the girl is still mopey and tearful.
Me: You're still sad, Kristi. What's the matter?
Her: (breaking into a full sob): Well, Miss Thomason always brings us out for short recess a LOT sooner than this! She tells us to run around and get our mad out, and it usually helps!
Me: Then go run around and get your mad out!
Her:  I'm not MAD! I'm SAD!  I'm really, realllllllllllllllllllly saaaaaaaaaaaaad.  (more sobbing)


Same class , at lunch.  (names are all changed in this whole post)

One girl approaches me and says, "Mary said a bathroom word."
Me: Oh, really, what bathroom word?
Her: Pee.
Me: Where was she when she said it?
Her: In the bathroom.
Me: It's okay.  We can say pee in the bathroom.


                                                     Second Grade Funnies are Pretty Funny, Too.

Another teacher told me she heard a second grader in music class say to her friend, "Sit your butt down here." And then she quickly covered her mouth in a gasp. "Oh, no! I said the "b" word."

The other girl replied, "Well, at least you didn't say the really BAD "b" word."

"What's the really bad "b" word?" asked the first girl.

"Booty!"

Third Graders Get Theological with their Funnies.

A teacher heard two boys in the bathroom discussing Halloween.  (These were 9 year olds.)

Boy 1: I can't wait for Halloween! All that candy....!
Boy 2: Are you a Christian?
Boy 1:  Yeah, I'm a Christian.
Boy 2:  Christians don't celebrate Halloween.
Boy 1:  Oh, guess I'm NOT a Christian, then!

Then, as they headed out for recess, the teacher heard this from the same kids:
Boy 1: Wanna play pirates and witches?
Boy 2: Sure!

            Fifth Grader Makes Me Laugh Every Day.

My own boy is in fifth grade. This morning I found a note he'd written and left on the sink of the kids' bathroom. (By kids I mean my two twenty-somethings and him.)   He managed to find a space for the slip of paper between deodorant stick, razor, retainer cup, handsoap, cologne,  hairbrush, and an empty roll of toilet paper.  A mix of wet clothes and dry ones decorated the floor. Shampoo bottles and lovely loofahs punctuated the rim of the tub. Splatters of toothpaste made the mirror a work of art. Ahem.

I read his note:

 "bathroom needs to be cleaned this weekend--fight over it."

I wasn't sure which was funnier, the fact that he actually noticed that the bathroom needed to be cleaned, or  what he meant by "fight over it."