Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Seaside Escape, Part 2

Since my ride had not picked me up in time to have dinner as planned at Sandy Cove, we had to stop along the way. It just so happened that there was a flower show close to our destination. Think "flower fair with food."  Linda and Sharon each grabbed a turkey panini, I got a crab cake, and we all avoided the temptation of buying beautiful blooms in that veritable Garden of Eden.  Actually, it's not hard to scurry when someone is announcing ( loudly) that our car is blocking a delivery truck and we need to move it. 

Once checked in, we headed to the meeting room and found seats easily. We joined our voices with other sisters in Christ praising Him.  The theme of the retreat was "Be still and know that I AM God."    It's exactly what God has been speaking to me in this past year of wondering "where to from here?"' in many areas of my life.  Where will we go to church? Where will I work and where will I volunteer that's both meaningful and doable with the school schedule? Where are we headed as a couple in midlife? Where will we live when we sell this house that's getting too big as our three older kids take flight to their own nests?   Where will  we get healthcare if our country keeps going downhill like this? 

Those questions and others like them can swirl and swirl until they become like tornadoes inside my head. They have caused anything from nervousness to panic attacks to depression. Why? Because I tend to wallow in the past, thinking my glory days are over. 

No more babies to nurse.
No more children sitting in my lap, curling my hair with their fingers as I read.
No more sound of drums coming from the basement.  
Homeschooling was wonderful way back when.  
Our church family was the best around way back when.  
Being a teacher and getting paid for it was the best of both worlds, once upon a time.   
Oh, the teen years really weren't so bad. 
Family vacations will never be the same as they used to be

On and on would my thoughts go sometimes, until I was either sniffling, crying, having a panic attack, or sinking into depression.  The future was looking dark and gloomy. I was full of fear with every thought of what lay ahead. 

I started the year 2013 hearing the word "peace," and we all know that entertaining tornadic thoughts will rob peace in a minute.  This retreat would prove to be a part of my transformation, and it would start by being still before God. 

(to be continued)


The Henry Crew! said...

Oh, I can't wait to see what God told you during this weekend... your thoughts and feelings echo mine... and my babies are still at home, but are growing up so quickly and my eldest will be out of the home in just two years... I want so desperately to freeze time, and I'll admit to feeling the panic and depression as I try to envision a home that is not filled with them... thank you for your honesty...

Joyce said...

This empty nest thing is definitely a process. God is good though, and brings peace amid the quiet chaos of an empty house. Plus I know from first hand experience that God talks to women at Sandy Cove : )

Susan Kane said...

You will be blessed during this week. Be still--we all need to do that.