Hodgepodge? No. Humor? Yes.

I don't have time to consider answers to the great HP questions today. In fact, I really don't have time to be on the computer, but I have crossed off a goodly (is that a word, really? sounds old-fashioned) number of things from my to-do list. And I just have to write this while I'm thinking about it.

It's one of those conversations that I've had with my child in a disclipleship moment, or so I thought, when he was so quiet I figured he was absorbing truth. In other words, I thought he was hearing from beginning to end, not missing the point, but apparently he did. And the take-away point he got from it backfired and was declared my fault. Of course.

Let me explain. (Mothers of ten year old boys may understand and empathize.)

Last week our Youngest got in trouble for a comment about "walking behind the royal behind." (See last week's Hodgepodge random question for the full version.) He got his stamp taken away at school. Time in the principal's office and time out with the teacher to whom the comment was directed, plus time off video games and more time reading should have proven enough consequences to curb his penchant for trouble for awhile, right?

Wrong.

Every morning on the ride to school, he and I alternate praying for him for his day. His prayer typically has gone something like this:

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day and help me to use self-control and the other fruit of the Spirit. Help me not to get in trouble and help me be a good student. Amen.

I began pondering the prayer a few days ago because something just didn't sit right about it. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me about the blessing of sin being brought to light, not hidden, so that it can be confessed, forgiven, and repented of. So yesterday I began what I thought was a dialogue about this point. It became more of a maternal monologue as he sat quietly listening (I assumed from my position at the steering wheel, with him in the back seat).

"Joel, you know what? I think a better prayer would not be "help me not get in trouble," but "help me use self-control and honor You, Lord, but if I don't, if I sin, help me TO get in trouble, to have my sin found out, not hidden, and give me courage to confess it and ask forgiveness and repent." I went on to explain that , even though it's uncomfortable and embarrassing and humbling to get in trouble, it's God's grace. Hidden sin eats away at us and our relationship with God and others. So it's better to get in trouble than not when you sin.

So...fast forward to 10 pm last night, after I picked him up from my folks' house, after a viewing for a friend's mom. He was tired. I was tired. But he was unusally quiet (which means he's got something on his mind of importance). I asked him what was wrong.

"I got in trouble in school today. I lost my stamp."

"Why? What did you do?"

"I threw the ball right after Mrs. G said "May I have your attention,please?" Well, I wouldn't have lost my stamp just for that, if it was out of my hand before she said 'attention' . Really I threw it right after she said "attention."

"So you lied."

"Yeah."

"What happened next?"

"I got in trouble and had to miss recess and sit writing in her office about what I did wrong."

"What did we just talk about yesterday, Joel?"

He started to cry. "It's your fault, Mom!"

"Excuse me? What's my fault? How is your sin my fault?"

"Because you told me it's better to get in trouble."

Ai, yai, yai! "Is that what you heard yesterday?"

"Yes, you said it, remember? It's better to ask God to help me get in trouble than not get in trouble?"

Oh, boy. I had to straighten that one out on a fried brain, but I have to say, it tickled me.

Meet Chuck

Here is the red-bellied woodpecker
who has been frequenting my
hummingbird feeder . Not to be mistaken with the red-headed woodpecker which, according to my
research, is a rare species . (Although, truth be told, you do have look mighty close to see the "red" (pink?) on his belly.)

He had come so often while I was doing dishes that I felt he deserved a name, not just "the woodpecker."




All I could think of was the tongue twister:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

So I named my woodpecker Chuck, not for the groundhog-like woodchuck, but for the wood part
of the rhyme. As if anyone cares.



I do feel that he is my little gift from God. He comes and goes at will, but it does seem he alights when my spirits are beginning to descend . He reminds me that God is taking good care of him, that he was happy and healthy being fed and watered by God long before I put my supply out there for him. So in a sense he tells me, "Don't worry. Look at the sparrow--or the woodpecker--are you not important to God than we are?"

Chuck gives me such pleasure . He is not the least bit helpful, carries out no mission on my behalf, doesn't even know or care that I'm here . He makes me think of the verse ,"For Thy pleasure we are created." God didn't have to create us. He wanted to. To bring Himself pleasure. He needed nothing or no one. He simply wanted us .

Open Rebuke or Hidden Love?

This morning I read Proverbs 27. A number of the verses grabbed my attention, but this one must've been the one I needed.

Proverbs 27: 5 "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." I would have to say that the number of times I've been openly rebuked as opposed to how much "hidden love" I can only surmise, probably says more about me than it does of those who have "hidden."

Sure, family members do it regularly here. Probably in your house, too. But really, who is courageous enough to openly rebuke a friend?

How often have you not rebuked someone who was:

-speaking unkindly to her children
-joking about her rebellion
-undermining authority
-gossiping
-talking too much, dominating the "floor" in a group setting
-immodestly dressed
-making fun of someone
-wasting time
-not tithing regularly
-using God's name in vain
-not being reliable
-ignoring her children
-flirting with a man other than her husband
-being deceitful
-drawing a lot of attention to herself with words, laughs, pictures, or gestures
-making excuses for not regularly communing with God (if she's a Christian)

(I say she, because I think 99.9% of my readers are female,)

Just recently I've wanted to say things--openly rebuke someone in love--but have not. Why go along with what's wrong? Why so fearful? I am convinced that I don't truly, truly love most of the people I call "friends." I'm hiding behind wanting to be liked and not wanting them to dismiss my rebuke just because I have sins of my own. Scripture doesn't command us to correct one in another in love only after we're perfect (which, last time I checked, means we'd all be in heaven together).

Most of the time I am guilty of saying the wrong things and regretting it. But this verse has got me thinking: how much I withhold. When was the last time I gave or received an open rebuke? If love is hidden, is it love at all? Who are my "friends"? Who are yours?

"Honor everyone."

Camped out in First Peter, I read this short verse two days ago and have been pondering it since my initial journal entry of thoughts.

It's 1 Peter 2:17 that says, simply, "Honor everyone." (ESV) It's in the context of honoring others (vs. 16-18).

I have my thoughts, and haven't sought a commentary or a pastor's further insight into this verse. I like to meditate on scripture a lot first, and ask the Holy Spirit, and then go to humans.

On this verse I'm at the "ask humans" stage of questioning. Honoring those who live wisely and wholesomely is pretty easy. However--and everyone can think of at least someone to whom this next question applies--

how do you honor someone who, over and over, lives foolishly and dishonorably?

Seeing God's Love through Esau's Eyes

My son Stephen came home from Teen Night and was sharing an insight from a message he heard there from a speaker named Tom. It opened my eyes to something I'd never seen before. Maybe you have, and if you have, you'll understand the impact it had on my heart. Let's see if I can do it justice.

Jacob is always getting the bad rap for deceiving his father Isaac. Actually he was just following through with what his mom told him to do--which, in this case doesn't justify his actions-- but let's make sure we realize he comes by his dishonesty honestly. Isaac, being blind in his old age, depends on his other senses, and is vulnerable to trickery. When Jacob disguises his smooth skin with hairy animal skin like Esau's, Isaac gives him the blessing of the birthright that should've been given to Esau. After all, Esau was the eldest son.

"What's been done can't be undone," Isaac declares when the dirty deed is revealed. Poor Esau. Heartsick and furious, he cries to his dad, "Surely you don't have just ONE blessing. Please bless me, too!"

Isaac gladly bestows a blessing on Esau.

The horror and blessing of the cross is a deed that can't be undone. It's final. When we believe in Jesus and He gives us the blessing of salvation, we "wear the robe of the firstborn" (Jesus's righteousness) and God the Father sees us and treats us like Jesus. Not only that, even if WE see ourselves as an Esau, all we need to do is cry out, "Bless me, too, Father!" and he does.

One other thing I saw this time was that, not only does Isaac say to Jacob upon touching his arms, "You feel like Esau," he also says, "You smell like him"--a very pleasant thing to Isaac. It reminds me of 2 Corinthians 2:14, "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him."
Not only do we look like Jesus, we smell like Him.

I get choked up thinking that what's been done at the cross can't be undone, that I wear the robe of the firstborn of God, that God chooses to "see" me as He sees His son, that he treats me according to the way He sees me, and if I want more blessings, I can simply ask. My heavenly Father has plenty of them to lavish on all His children.

"Up and Down and Up and Down"

When Joel woke up today, I asked him to read Matthew 7:11-17 before he started playing. He read each one aloud, and after each, we discussed them briefly.


He got to the part about the kinds of fruit that trees bear.

"If someone is godly, they will do godly things," I said. "Do you know a godly person?"
"Yeh. Natalie," he said, naming a friend in second grade.
"Do you know someone you're not sure about, whether they love Jesus or not?"
"Yeh, __________," he said, mentioning an older boy in school. "One minute he obeys and the next minute he doesn't. He's up and down and up and down. I can't keep him in the middle!"

I guess if I hadn't been laughing so hard on the inside, I could have launched into a mini-lecture about how we cannot keep another person in the middle, nor should that be our goal. We ought to encourage others to always obey (be "up," according to Joel's vernacular) but when they don't, we should pray for them and encourage them to "get up.") Likewise we should always try to be "up" so that people can tell from our obedience that we love Jesus.

Don't you love how kids keep it simple?

THIS is How to Read and Recite God's Word

Thanks to Laurie Lynn's post, I will never read these scriptures the same again. I had tears in my eyes during the delivery of these words which no sermon can surpass.

To my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, the Messiah who died once for all and is risen indeed, just as He said, who sits at the right hand of God the Father making intercession for all of us, who will return on a white horse and take us to live with Him forever in an unimaginably beautiful home which He is preparing even now for us, where we will always be in perfect relationship with him and each other, and never forget His love for us because we will see the nail scars in His hands as He wraps His loving arms around us and says, "Welcome Home, dear one. The waiting is over!", to you I say, "Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday! He is risen indeed!"

The link button is goofy today, so here's the link another way: http://tulipthicket.blogspot.com/2009/04/can-i-get-amen.html?showComment=1239371220000#c7638165069057335621

"Waiting On" God Means "Hoping In" Him

Maybe I'd heard it somewhere already. When you're as old as I am, and been in church since the womb, you hear things but you don't really hear them.

Such is the case with Isaiah 40:31. This was the verse of our cheerleading squad when I cheered for the Harford Christian Eagles in the 1900s. (Back when I was more engine than caboose.)

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

I think I had heard in more than one sermon what the phrase "wait on God" meant, but what stuck in my head was "wait for God." Endless waiting, it seemed, at times. Waiting for explanations, waiting for healing, waiting for direction, waiting for relationships, waiting for babies, waiting for ...God to do something in the future, and the sooner the future could get here, the less I hated waiting.

But Beth Moore's book study, A Heart Like His, has sealed the meaning in my mind. Thank You, Lord, for Beth Moore. Her style of writing and teaching is so perfectly matched to my way of learning. She explained that "wait on God" means "hope in God."

Hoping is active; waiting is passive. Hoping gives me something to occupy my heart with. It's Godward, not selfward. (Is selfward a word? If it wasn't yet, it is now.) I can hope in God right now whether He grants me my petition or not. I can hope in God because He has never failed me. I can hope in God because He gives me grace to hope in Him.

Hoping in God also sheds proverbial light on this axiom from the OT: Hope deferred makes the heart sick.... I used to think that meant, "If what I hope for seems to never happen, of course I'll be sick about it. My heart will wither to nothing." However, I do believe that I have the power, through the Holy Spirit, to never defer my hope--never put it off till I have more faith or till I see a glimmer of that far-off thing. Rather, I can always hope now. Right now. Hope in God because God is here, God is now, God is faithful, always has been faithful, always will be faithful, so ...what am I waiting for? I'm not! I'm waiting ON God!

Not Eating like Mephibosheth

This morning I came to the place in my Bible study in 2nd Samuel where King David says, "Is there anyone left from the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness?" Reading it, you can almost feel the grief so raw from Jonathan's death, though it's been many years, that David can't quite get himself to utter that name without crying. I picture him asking in desperation a question he doesn't expect an answer to. "Is there anyone at all, still living after all these wars, that I could show my love to like I would if Jonathan were still alive?"

A servant says to him, "There is Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son, but he's crippled in both feet." As a young child, he was dropped by his nurse, a fall that injured him for life.

"There is someone?" David's heart fills with excitement, "Bring him to me." Mephibosheth at comes at once and bows down to pay homage. I imagine it took quite some effort. I am not crippled, but both my feet always hurt and once I'm down, it's painful to get back up. So I empathize with Mephibosheth. At times pain is downright humiliating. When I want to be smooth and graceful, instead I hobble and limp. My old golden retriever and I move much the same way by the end of the day. At times I feel like a dead dog. That's the expression Mephibosheth used: "What would you want with a dead dog like me?" I deal often with a sense of shame because of my looks and the way I walk. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I use humor to cope at times, but it's a real deep longing to feel like I measure up.

Anyway, back to Mephibosheth: to his great surprise, the crippled son of Jonathan hears these words, "Please, sit at my table. Eat with me." The scripture says he was treated like a king's son. Not like a hired hand, a son! He was eating with the king, not bringing food to the table for the king.

I read on in my Beth Moore book. The name Mephibosheth means "shame destroyer. " God was starting to speak to me as I put the book aside and meditated. Whenever I've pondered this story of grace in the past, I have been overcome by identifying with Mephibosheth and only him. But today, not only did I feel crippled from the fall of sin, I also had trouble picturing myself seated at the table of the Lord. Instead I saw myself carrying food from the kitchen and saying to those seated, "Here you go, this is good stuff. Try some." In my mind I was simply delivering what smelled good and what little I might have sampled in the kitchen, hoping there might be leftovers.

God was saying, "No, you're not a hired servant. You're my daughter. Sit down and eat and enjoy everything I've prepared for you. I don't want you to live your life just giving out bites to other people."

I realized it's been a while since I really feasted at the Lord's table. It's probably why I spend so much effort trying to fill myself with physical food and activities and conversation and hobbies. Sure, I am faithful to read my Bible almost every day , and I certainly get something out of it almost all the time. And I've been offered rich food in the form of great sermons at church, but lately haven't really appreciated it for myself. It's been more like filling service trays to deliver to others at the next "occasion" rather than sitting down with the King Himself for a full course meal. I am praying that God gives me grace to see myself as one who belongs at the table, not just near it waiting for crumbs.

I Don't Want to be a Witch Next Year

Here I sit at 6:44 p.m. on New Year's Eve, 2008. I've been thinking about resolutions and whether I really am resolved to make any changes or whether I'm too afraid to fail again. By the time a person reaches my age (somewhere between bifocals and dementia), one has fairly well gotten to know one's own patterns. Change is hard. Especially losing weight when you're my age. As Barbara Johnson says, it's extra hard because your body and your fat have become good friends.

So I thought, Nah, resolve to only make intellectual changes this year. Relearn algebra. Take an economics class. Memorize Einstein's theory of relativity. However, I don't see the point, and if I don't see a point in something, I'm really, REALLY unlikely to pursue it . Besides,intellectually I am growing through teaching; I'm learning a lot more history, art, and
geography, as well as brushing up on rusty grammar. That's satisfying enough for now.

Turning another corner, I thought I'd improve socially. Have people over more often, I encouraged myself. Lots of different people. Start with the ones you don't like so well; get them out of the way. (I'm kidding! I'm seriously kidding!) I thought also of ways to improve my memory in social settings, where my remembrance of first names is getting worse. I feel like I should join the Army where it's protocol to address everyone by their last name. Trouble is, most women don't appreciate it, and most men aren't in my social circle.

Then I thought of looking only inward. Forget the social me, forget the intellectual me, forget the fat me. Look only at the spiritual me . (I think it's thinner anyway.)

That's when God arrested every part of me.

"Ask Me," He said. "Ask Me what you should dwell on in the coming year."

Whoa. Why hadn't I thought of that? In truth, I had, in a manner of speaking. I had asked for a new Bible study for Christmas, something by Beth Moore, though it didn't matter to me as long as I hadn't done it or it had been a long time. My husband gave me the one called "A Heart Like His." It's a study of the life of David.

I've just started and am revisiting the life of Saul. What struck me today and the past couple of days is the theme: To obey is better than sacrifice (I Sam 15). My tendency is not so much to outright disobey God, but to partially obey Him. Saul was told to completely wipe out the Amalekites, don't leave one person alive, and kill every single beast, no matter what. Well, Saul partially obeyed. He killed almost everyone, but spared King Agag. He killed almost all the animals, but kept the best ones--as he justified--"to sacrifice to God." Samuel confronted him on his sin, telling him that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft.

The sin of witchcraft? Yes, to try to manipulate people or circumstances to get our way is like putting a spell on them. I have done it by pouting, crying, sighing, yelling, withholding, threatening, and other things. (We women have this multitasking thing down, don't we?) I have asked God to show me my rebellion, and He usually does so through my husband and kids. (Who needs a prophet when you've got honest, discerning, and bold family members?)

I tend to do a lot of "sacrifice" (work that appears good) instead of simply obeying. As scripture says, my real work is to believe Christ. And if I believe Him, I must necessarily obey Him.

To obey is better than sacrifice.

The Peace that Passeth all Understanding

My friend Libby's post on anxiety vs. peace reminded me of something God whispered to my heart not long ago.

I had let my mind rehearse all the negatives about not being able to understand something. It had been so long since I'd experienced such frustration with people whom I actively wanted to love rather than avoid. I didn't understand them; I didn't understand how my responses could be so different from my prayers to respond differently to them. I didn't understand why nothing was changed despite my prayer and energy. My lack of understanding was what bothered me more than all the rest of it. (Not my sin, mind you, but my lack of knowledge and understanding.)

God showed me that "the peace of God which passes all understanding" (Phil. 4:6-7) doesn't always mean that peace will surpass your understanding of peace, but rather, peace supercedes understanding. It's more important, more valuable, more worthy of seeking than understanding is. Peace "surpasseth" all (successful and unsuccessful attempts at) understanding in this life.

Metaphorical Scissors

I love this post, which my son Stephen just wrote on his blog. Especially the phrase "metaphorical scissors."

Will my children ever stop bringing conviction--and pleasure--to their mom's heart?

In Faith for a New "Net"work

This morning I was reading in Luke where Jesus is standing by the lake one morning. Two fishing boats are docked. The fishermen are cleaning empty nets; they've caught nothing and they've been working all night. Jesus hops into Simon's boat and tells the men to cast their net into the water. "We've been fishing all night, Master, and haven't caught anything. " But he does as Jesus says. Immediately the net is so heavy it takes several men to haul in the catch, and then the boat nearly sinks under the weight. Simon's response is that of humility and worship. At once he bows before this Jesus, whose single sentence carried more power than the force of a professional Galilean fishing crew.

The story is familiar but it made me realize how I've been washing empty nets. Evangelistically I haven't been part of a "catch" in a very long time. The last time I laid out the gospel in clear terms was in Russia. That was over a year ago. The trouble is that I haven't really asked God lately for a "catch." An even deeper trouble is that I haven't cared enough to observe the lake or prepare nets or get into the boat. I've been hanging out with my fellow fishermen, most of whom seem themselves to be on vacation.

Sure, I've been complaining that "the church" wasn't doing enough. Sure, it's obvious that we're all more talk than action. But I am part of "the church" and "we" includes "me," and I can't blame anyone else for apathy while I'm just standin' there waitin' for a leg-up into someone else's boat.

In short I've lacked both compassion and will to ask Jesus if He'd take me fishing with Him.

That changed today. (After I repented--again--of selfishness.) Now I have faith. I feel God has opened my eyes on the water again and is about to hand me a net. It's exciting to be God's fishing partner. All you have to do is go along, let Him say the words, hold unto tight to the net, and then hope others are there to witness the miracle.

Sin and Broccoli

"I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me."



I Cor. 4:4


Never saw this verse before, but yesterday it jumped out and cracked me up. It's an eloquent way of saying, "Just because I don't see my sin doesn't mean I'm innocent."

It's kind of like having broccoli between your teeth that you can't feel. Suddenly you smile and everyone else knows what you had for dinner. God, please hand me the mirror of your Word whenever I have broccoli in the teeth of my life.

What Legacy Will You Leave?

I read this yesterday and was challenged again not to waste my life. It's kind of funny, kind of sad, kind of quizzical why it's even in the Bible.



Thanks for writing it, Tori.

And don't stop blogging just because I'm usually your sole commenter. Lots of people read blogs without ever commenting, which I know is discouraging as a writer, especially when you faithfully comment on theirs. I don't understand the big deal about signing in and leaving a note once in a while. A little encouragement goes a long way.

Please also know that you're making a big difference in the lives of the unlovelies you serve in your job and in Trevor's family. I would have given just about anything to have someone like you come hang out with us when my kids were little and I was so exhausted. Keep setting the example of how to leave a legacy of love as a single woman.

"I and the Boy will Return"

Never can I read Genesis 22 without coming away with something deep and powerfully moving. Whether you're a Christian or are a little familiar with the Old Testament in any way,
I encourage a regular visit to this chapter. It's about Abraham offering up Isaac to be sacrificed.

This morning I stayed home with a sick little boy and missed church. But I had a powerful encounter with the Horn of my Salvation, Jesus Christ. Here I was, sitting on the sofa, reading Chapter 22 of Genesis where Abraham, Isaac, and two young hired servants venture toward the mountain on which the boy is to be slain as the ultimate test of Abraham's faith.

I hadn't seen line -- just after Abraham tells the young servants to "Stay here"-- he adds, "I and the boy will return."

Abraham not only loved God more than he loved his only son, he believed that God would resurrect Isaac! There is no hint that Abraham will refuse to slaughter his son of promise, though I can only imagine how he wondered if maybe he was hearing wrong. Would God promise me a son who'd be the father of countless descendants, only to have me sacrifice him before he's even married, let alone fathered a child of his own? No! I must choose, then, to believe that God will fulfill His promise a different way. How? By raising my son from the dead!

On top of this "aha!" moment, I then read what has moved me before, but never like it did today. When the angel of the Lord yells to Abraham to stop because "now I know...," Abraham looks up and sees a ram whose horns are caught in the thicket.

I'm telling you, it was as if I was Abraham right there. I saw His head caught in the thorny thicket of a crown on the cross. I wept and shuddered and lifted my arms in praise and thanks and love. And today I had that distinct understanding that it was all for me and only for me. "All for me" in the sense that He endured every ounce of pain and suffering for me. "Only for me" in that I saw my own sin, no one else's, and how huge it is. That is not a common experience for me, I'm ashamed to say. I too easily lump "my sins and the sins of the whole world" into my meditations of His mercy, and sometimes--how can I be so Romans 7ish???-- wander off into the offenses against me, not mine against God.

Then, this doesn't happen often either: God told me to go to my neighbor, Susan--the one who lives just beyond my birdfeeder-- and say, "Jesus was broken for you." That's all. I was like, "Huh? God? What else? Just that?" Yes, that's all for now. Later I can add the resurrection but for now, the ram's horns caught in the thicket is what I pray she sees very soon. I pray she sees Him now, the Horn of Salvation, and when He returns!

Fleeting

On Wednesday afternoon this tree in my front yard was beautiful. It had only lost about half its leaves. The rest were a splendid tapestry of golds and rusts. I asked Stephen to take a picture of me in front of that tree . (I was sporting a fresh-from-the-salon hairstyle which nobody has noticed, apparently, but that's not the point.) I knew my hair wouldn't look as good the next day , mostly because it had enough gel in it to withstand a Kansas tornado.

Stephen put up a bit of a fuss. ("Puh-lease, Mom. Why?)

"Honey, please," I begged. "These leaves might not be here tomorrow. And my hairdo definitely won't be. " He shook his head.

I was right.

Today, Sunday, nearly every leaf of that tree is gone. The leaves lasted a couple days longer than my hairdo, but they are both fleeting.

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

This verse came to my mind. I had read it a few days earlier--differently. Always before, I had sort of skipped over the first two words.

Teach us.

God has numbered your days. He's numbered mine. The key question I've always dwelled on is, How many days have I been given? Or, more simply, When will I die?

God is probably not going to answer that question. He will just call me home. I may or may not be caught by surprise when He does. I am not scared of that. I look forward to it, provided I don't have to suffer a long time while I wait for His call. The most important thing is to not forget that I am here for Him, for a brief and glorious interlude between birth and physical death. My life is as fleeting as one autumn leaf on a single tree.

It's the two words "teach us" that gave me pause . Teach us. I read "us" as "me" and realized that I need God to teach me to number my days. What does that mean? I have some thoughts. What are yours?

On Not Understanding: Blessed is He who Waits & Arrives

A few days ago I was reading the last chapter of Daniel. This chapter is one with more questions than answers for my brain, mostly because it is full of symbolism and prophecy. Someday I'll go back and study it further. In short, I don't understand a lot of it.

Not understanding. That phrase alone became the theme of what I read in Daniel 12. Please read this passage from the ESV (courtesy of BibleGateway.com):

5Then I, Daniel, looked, and behold, two others stood, one on this bank of the stream and one on that bank of the stream. 6And someone said to the man clothed in linen, who was above the waters of the stream,[b] "How long shall it be till the end of these wonders?"

7And I heard the man clothed in linen, who was above the waters of the stream; he raised his right hand and his left hand toward heaven and swore by him who lives forever that it would be for a time, times, and half a time, and that when the shattering of the power of the holy people comes to an end all these things would be finished.

8 I heard, but I did not understand.

Then I said, "O my lord, what shall be the outcome of these things?"

9He said, "Go your way, Daniel, for the words are shut up and sealed until the time of the end.

10Many shall purify themselves and make themselves white and be refined, but the wicked shall act wickedly. And none of the wicked shall understand, but those who are wise shall understand. 11And from the time that the regular burnt offering is taken away and the abomination that makes desolate is set up, there shall be 1,290 days.

12Blessed is he who waits and arrives at the 1,335 days. 13But go your way till the end. And you shall rest and shall stand in your allotted place at the end of the days."

From my journal 10/30/06:

Question: How content am I to accept this answer: "Go your way, your answer will not come til the end of time "?

Realization: Such an answer is an answer.

Vs. 12: Blessed is he who waits...and arrives....But go your way til the end. And you shall rest and shall stand in your allotted place at the end of the days.

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I seldom appreciate having to wait for an answer. But I do appreciate someone saying "I don't have an answer for you, but I'm looking into it." Or, "If you don't mind waiting, I'll have an answer for you ASAP." At least I know they're not just ignoring me or "dissin'" my request. However, I had to look at God's Word from the viewpoint of eternity. Some things I ask in my heart, my mind, on paper, out loud--whatever--are put into God's Wait File. (Kind of like the way I used to think that pressing "delete" meant a document was gone forever. Then I learned that almost everything goes into the Recycle Bin where I can retrieve it. Certain answers I am waiting for will necessarily not be retrievable--by God's design and decree-- till the end of time. Can I wait that long? )

I think I've learned to trust God enough that I understand that it's okay not to understand. To God's credit, I wrestle with the "what ifs?" and the "why me" kinds of questions less often than I used to. I have also grown in waiting for His answer because I have seen time and again the better thing He had in store than that which I asked for or expected. Not that I don't ask any questions about what I don't understand or agree with. I can be very impatient and demanding, to my shame. I'm just saying I've seen growth in this area.

No, it's not that I have arrived. But this verse reminds me that I will arrive and I will stand in the place He's allotted for me at The End of Time.