From an Ellipsis to a Big Fat Question Mark

"I only took the job because I could get tuition reimbursement."

Paul Zubrowski, every time he's asked how he chose his career

My hardworking, God-fearing, intelligent, funny, talented...husband....
has been with the same company since ...1984. Yes, in today's economy that's nothing short of miraculous. He is a senior underwriter. Don't know what that is? That's okay. Just means he's the head hauncho go-to guy at work when multi-million dollar financial institutions need multi-million dollar insurance coverage on their property ,vehicles, personnel, and who knows what all else. He gets to make the tough decisions about whether big whigs like Wells Fargo, Countrywide, and M&T Bank are considered good or bad risks depending on lots and lots of factors. I find it very impressive (as I do all careers that I don't understand a monkey's nose about). And what I find even more impressive is that Paul is the only person in his company who can handle this specialized division he's in called Master Trust. His job has been more secure than many others' because he not only has the knowledge, experience, and personality to handle this kind of work, he has 24 years of doing just about everyone else's kind of job, too.

That has its ups and down. He wears the ups in his paycheck, the downs on his face. He is road weary. He is beaten down by the pressure. He hates confrontation but this past year has been in a managerial position over people who'd rather file their nails than nail their files. He has to deal with folks who--how shall we say this diplomatically?--have Masters degrees in marketing , but were a few degrees south of an A in geography.

I kid you not, the other day a new co-worker came to him scared stiff about renewing a policy in the West Indies. After all, that's a flood zone. We don't write in flood zones, do we, Paul?

The West Indies? Paul wanted to know. No, we've never written policies in the West Indies. And you're saying this an app for a REnewal? How do you know it's in the West Indies? Let me see it.
Paul skimmed the app, and saw a request for coverage in SD, MN, and WI. The return address, in bold letters, stated the bank's town, street address, plus "WI", and the zip.

Last time we checked, (Sherlock), WI stood for WISCONSIN.

(Can you hear just hear a marketing agent saying, "Yessiree, my client would like snow and wind coverage for our bank branches located in South Dakota, Minnesota, and while you're at it, the West Indies"?)

That was a good one. It was enough to make my hubby pick up the phone to tell me about it later.

All joking aside, Paul is now in the midst of preparing intensely for a huge audit next week. He's been leaving the house at 6:30 a.m. and coming home at 7pm, working on more audit stuff, going to bed at 9, then repeating as necessary. Why? Because the outcome of this audit/evaluation could mean the difference between his position being kept or eliminated.

Lest you think the only good outcome is in favor of being "kept," Paul isn't so sure. He's not even sure he'd want a lateral transfer, or a promotion. He just can't stand his job anymore. He's ready to be offered a severance package so that he can invest it while taking time off--a good long time off--to think about what it is he really wants to do with his life.

He reads books all the time that stir the latent dreams in him. He wants to teach, to make a difference in kids' lives. He'd love to start his own business but can't risk the capital while we have kids to put through college. He'd love to cruise with me to exotic places, but I am more into remote villages to help orphans than I am to sip wine in the W.I... or Wisconsin. (Well, I supPOSE I could be talked into a wine-sipping jaunt off the coast of Just-About-Anywhere, on the way to said remote village:)


This next week will be punctuated by an ellipsis (i.e. dot, dot, dot) as Paul faces uncertainty.
Regardless of the outcome, he will still have a question mark at the end. It's been the punctuation mark of his mind for the past decade. The only difference is, it could be a big, fat question mark after the audit.

I thank God I'm not in his shoes. Lord, let me content and joyful about just keeping his socks clean. A man plans his way, but God directs his steps. May I be "in step" with the man I married nearly 21 years ago, someone who will stir his dreams and put wind in his sails. Hand in hand, side by side, looking mostly ahead but occasionally into each other's eyes for that knowing, precious beam of love. No matter how our lives are punctuated.