Wanted: Peace and Healing

I am afraid right now and I need God's peace. I have had pain in my right foot and now it's in the left, pain that I started noticing around Thanksgiving. When it got really bad a month ago, I went to Patient First where the doctor diagnosed plantar fasciitis. She recommended icing my foot every morning after doing heel stretches, taking ibuprofen as needed, investing in well-cushioned tennis shoes, wearing heels, and getting physical therapy. I asked her if it would resolve, and she said "yes, but it could take awhile--six or eight weeks is normal." That was January 3rd, and I was already six weeks into it.

Right after bladder surgery on January 7th, I was on Lortabs which were so "good" I couldn't feel my foot pain, so I thought the rest I'd been getting was the cure. Wrong. It simply masked the pain, and perhaps I did worse damage.

Getting out of bed I can hardly walk to the bathroom each morning. I do the stretches before making breakfast or packing lunches;otherwise I can't stand in the kitchen. Then I lay on the couch reading my Bible while I rest my feet on a bag of frozen corn wrapped in a dish towel. Then I take a shower, do my hair and make-up and put on my heels. You can't wear heels w/o make-up, of course, so at least I loook better these days though I feel worse! You should see me. Or rather, don't, because it could also mean you see the sweatpants with heels, which--as I told Leanne--makes me not a fashion statement but a fashion question. I try not to take meds because if I fear the liver damage of taking them as often as I feel pain. Sometimes I look from one end of the house to the other and I may as well be seeing the Grand Canyon. Can I really walk from here to there? Today I had a friend, Lauren, over at 1:00, for the very first time. Knowing she was coming, plus the beautiful warm air blowing in through OPEN windows today, I was able to dust, vacuum, windex, clean a bathroom, do the dishes, fix lunch, and arrange some flowers with minimal pain. Was that the grace of God or the fear of man (woman)? Sometimes the lines between the two are blurred.

Anway, physical therapy is my next resort. I dread the inconvenience of trying to fit that into my week, but I lay here fantasizing that someone's rubbing my feet.



What I am afraid of is that this pain is not plantar fasciitis but diabetic nerve pain. In that case, the pain gets worse, not better. I'm not just in pain, my ankle muscles are weak. I go down stairs taking baby steps.

I am afraid to face this disease. My grandmother had it, my mom has it. I"m afraid of going blind, of losing a foot, of being comatose and all alone when it happens. My thoughts run the gamut and it's debilitating. It's not cancer, it's not MS, and it's not Alzheimer's. Those are my greatest fears.

I have asked for prayer at care group. I have sobbed, "ABba , Father, heal me!" and yet He has not chosen, so far, to do so. My faith is as weak as my ankles, my fear as great as my pain right now. Please pray for the reverse: that my faith would be made strong, that my heart will be at peace.