It is not easy to break habits, and I cannot say I've arrived. I think I'll always been just one sleeve of Oreos away from a return to Egypt if I don't continue to think about God's love and comfort. That's really where the battle is: the mind. And when I remember His love--and really, really think on how much He wants to love on me till I'm fully satisfied, I don't binge. My testimony is this: since April 29, 2009, when my walk in repentance from gluttony began, I have only "stuffed" myself twice. Twice in three months. I cannot tell you what a miracle that is. I used to eat to the stuffed point every single day, sometimes every meal. I just never knew satisfaction, that I could quit at a certain place before my stomach was in rebellion, my brain numb, and my heart filled with guilt.
I am on the verge of tears as I write this because it's the first time in almost 16 years I have felt this way. At the age of 28 I started spiraling downward emotionally and expressed it "outwardly" with food. I probably would've been a fatso long before that had it not been for my metabolism. I was still in bondage then, but thin. I think , looking back now, that gaining weight was what God used to show me my idolatry. I couldn't look in the mirror or at pictures of myself and feel free of shame.
But now, although I am still very much overweight (and have 80 pounds to go to my healthy, ideal weight) I look in the mirror and see a miracle. Someone else might see a fat girl, but I see a prisoner who's been set free and loving life in the outside world! Now losing weight is just a matter of fact and choice; I'm not a slave to my appetite anymore. I am free! Free to love the taste of food without depending on it for comfort or a temporary high. Nobody but God could do this. Nobody.
Last Wednesday night we had ladies' game night at church. On the snack table were loads of sweets and plenty of junk food. On the drink table, sugar free lemonade and water, maybe other choices. In the past, I would've made a beeline to fill a little plate with brownies, salsa and chips, cake, you name it. But Wednesday night, even after smelling it, seeing it in motion (being eaten), hearing people tell their recipes, and reaching the 8:30 habit of reaching for food (hungry or not), I was still not in the least tempted to eat any of it. All I can say is: this is not of my willpower. It's the power of God.