Just looking at the number 2010 brings sci-fi images to mind. I remember when I was little, thinking about how old I'd be in the year 2000. Oh my goodness, 34? Ancient! Now I'm ten years past that and think I'm fairly young!
I am a goal maker, I won't lie. But I don't call them resolutions because that's cliche'. Goofy, huh? I guess I don't make more goals on New Year's Eve than any other time, because I feel like I'm always evaluating success and failure throughout the year. I'm an idealist, and I was thinking today "but I'm not a perfectionist." And then I wondered, "What's the difference? Is there a difference? Is it just a matter of semantics?" I think of perfectionism as a sin because it's prideful and there is a sense of one-upping other people who get things done but with flaws, or flaws perceived by the perfectionist. But idealism sounds so, well...ideal. And "ideal" sounds like a good thing.
However, I am reflecting on how many times I got my expectations of people up way too high, and didn't even realize it. The thing with expectations is that, no matter if people say, "don't get your hopes up," my hopes are already up. Is it possible to reconcile the outside (the words) with the inside (the feelings)? I grew up with affirming parents who seldom told us "no" without a really good reason. They weren't rich and they didn't spoil us, and they had backbone, but they didn't give a kneejerk "no" to our requests, so I have ingrained in me that usually what I want is possible to get, to attain, to achieve. I'm not pessimistic, usually. (I have mood swings from time to time, or if I hang around pessimistic people I either get like them or wish they'd snap out of it.)
But nonetheless, my idealism has led to much disappointment in people--and in myself, so it's time to get serious about lowering my expectations of people, and increasing my expectations of God. I don't ask enough of Him. I ask amiss. I ask the same old, same old. I haven't asked "what if?" often enough. What if God saved so-and-so? Would I be surprised? If so, why? What if God healed my loved ones completely --and I don't mean by taking them to heaven. Would I believe it?
So that's my one big goal: behold God's majesty.
The other thing I've been practicing with a mind to continue daily is to jot down my thanks, a minimum of five. I know most days I should be able to fill a notebook with them, but in my humanness, I will have days I can't think of one positive thing. (The mood swing, remember?) My plan is to post a weekly Gratitude List in 2010.
How about you? What's your "big" God-ward goal this year?