Monday, March 22, 2010

The Good News is, I Have a Heavy Bottom


Not the best of days today. Impulsive me decided on Friday I just couldn't stand my hair anymore, so I called Ruth. She's my friend who started out as a Creative Memories consultant, and everything she touches turns to art. And she knows my hair. It's a lot like hers in texture, curl, weight, and all.

But she lives a good half hour away without traffic, and she only does hair as her schedule allows.

So on Friday, as I was pinning my hair up once again like this pooch, I yanked the phone off the hook and called her, getting all sweet in the voice before she picked up.

"Hey, Ruth, it's Zoanna..." and we exchange niceties about her trip to Cancun and how much better she feels and I segue real quick into, "Well , I always feel better after you cut my hair. Can you do it Monday morning? It's my only day before the ladies' retreat that I could get down to Middle River." She peeks at her calendar and we set the appointment.

I drive there today in the rain--a cold, dreary, grey morning. Bye, bye, weekend lovelies of 77 degrees. I have skipped my quiet time to get my hair done. Not a good thing at all. It gets me all of out of sorts not to take that hour after Joel leaves for school to spend alone without interruptions with the Lord. But at least there will be fellowship with Ruth. It's not like I'm skipping coffee with Jesus and going straight to the bar.

Not only had I skipped out on God in the morning, I had stayed up way too late trying to find on the internet a picture of what I wanted my hair to look like. Kim Basinger's long wavy look was my choice. Not that I think I'm Kim Basinger, but Paul ruled out my first choice: a 1940s bob of Rita Hayworth.
Come on, you don't like her victory rolls?

I told Ruth I was still trying to grow out my hair, so she didn't take much off. Really. Not enough. I could tell she had sprayed it and curled it and made it a nice shape, but I could've measured maybe a third of an ounce of hair actually gone off my head. I came out of the bathroom, having inspected it front and back in the mirror. I liked it, but I wanted it to be noticeably different.

Came out and said, "You really didn't take much off, did you?"

"No," she said. "You want the sides to catch up with the back, so I snipped the ends a little, rolled the long layers under so I gave you a heavier bottom."

"You WHAT?! Oh, Ruth, that's just what I DON'T need! A heavier bottom. My bottom's already heavier than a World War II cannon."

She laughed and back-pedaled with, "You know what I mean,"-- but I gave her more grief.

" I did not drive all the way down here in the pouring rain, miss an exit I've taken a hundred times, panick over early-onset Alzheimer's, turn around in Dundalk, of all places, just to be rewarded with a heavier bottom ! And I suppose you expect to be PAID for it, too?" I rolled my eyes and plunked two nickels on the counter.

I mean two bills.

Got to school two hours later and no one noticed. None of my co-workers, none of my students, not my Joel. That's such a let-down.

But at least I have a heavier bottom.

5 comments:

Laurie said...

Ha! (I think your hairdresser missed the class about what NOT to say to your clients!)
Now I guess if you want your hair to be noticeably different just add a red bow cute pooch do!
I know how you feel which is why I may grow out my hair and wear a big bun... (No pun intended!!)

The word verification is "bedroc" which reminds me of The Flintstones!

Zoanna said...

I have had short hair for almost my entire adult life. I'm liking the change to longer, but the hair in my face does get on my nerves, and I have to use a bit of product (a quite a bit) and sometimes claw clips to keep it out of my eyes. I have been working on growing it out very patiently (well, okay, not...just a long time) and am not ready to do anything drastic. Maybe change color?

Becoming a Morrison said...

How about this Zoanna:

I ask for my hair to be cut into "long Layers". Instead I get shorter layers, and a blow out that would make any 1980's woman proud. My husband walks in the house and I can see from his face, pure delight - he loves it, although I do not. His first words,

" I LOVE your hair! It's SO COUNTRY!"

Great. My hair is "country".

Laurie said...

Longer hair certainly has its problems!
I wish I had answers other than clips and combs and product!
Color can be fun! Have you ever changed color? I've thought highlights would be very nice for my own hair, but haven't taken time to have it done. What do you think? Would that be a nice difference for your hair? You could even go very colorful if you want noticeably different!
Or do you need a "country look"? I'm not sure what that is, but apparently some husbands like it! I mean a husband who says "I LOVE your hair", after you've been in "the chair"?! Wow! Keep that stylist!
I'm just going to ask for a county look the next time I have my hair done. (Though I'd guess that is open to interpretation!) :)


Anyway Zoanna, Have you thought of a shortish bob? How would your hair do? Is this just too short?
http://www.hairstylesguru.com/images/teen-hairstyle-in-short-hair.jpg
(I realize you said you're growing your hair, but you also said "noticeably different".)
You could go longer actually. Is your hair that naturally wavy/curly? You could have your stylist layer it in the back so the bottom is not too heavy! It would be cut layered and closer to your head. I'm not suggesting going blonde, but that would be noticeably different! This is a classic fresh cut I think and it seems like it would go well with your face. Did you ask for suggestions? Sorry if not. Ignoring me is fine!

zz said...

I would love do country hair if I thought Paul would say something--ANYTHING after I"Ve been in the chair, but he just doesn't. I don't understand, never have, never will, how that is--anymore than he can understand how I can say "if you've seen one football game,you've seen 'em all.)

Color, Laurie? I was tempted to pour bleach on my hair yesterday! STraight chlorine just to get a "hey, you got your hair done!" I have had the DIY box color once. It wasn't terribly flattering. I 'm always afraid that once I start, I won't stop, and right now I am content with my color. Besides, I hate to see eyebrows not match the hair. So fake. But I'm getting there.

The picture you linked--that style wouldn't work. My face is fat, and that cut would give me a third chin. I am overthinking this to the point of vanity. I don't think long long hair looks good on women over 16 (below the breasts is out of style) so you won't see me with that. The only thing my hubby has ever complained about hairwise, is the time I got it cut "butch" at a salon by a man (OH WAS I so MAD at that guy!) and the other was that he doesn't really like it behind the ears. Oh well, Nuff said!