Tuesday, May 04, 2010

My 1000th Post, or A Commentary on the Art of Subtle Self-Absorption

Well, here it is, my 1000th post. Somehow I thought I'd have something eloquent or witty or poignant to say.

But I don't. The only thing I keep thinking is, "What a windbag you are, Zo. What a windbag. You need Overbloggers Anonymous."

This 1000th post is actually rather anti-climactic. I have tried hard to come up with something at least a bit commemorative at this juncture. But nope. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Ever notice how, the harder you try to "be," the harder it is to "be"?

I've been trying too hard at a lot of things lately, except for the things that matter most. I don't try hard enough to love the unlovely, to sacrifice without wanting appreciation, to serve without being noticed, to work without always expecting some little reward. I even wanted a whole social network to care about the stupidest little things in my world. . Enough already. Give me a break from my self-absorption!

But until that break comes, I am wondering at Post 1000, just what I should blog about in the future, and what I should just keep to myself?

If I make this blog all positive, I catch flack from my kids that I'm putting on airs. (They're all about keepin' it real.) If I occasionally vent or rant, I run the risk of offending people I don't even know; it's bad enough that I'm good at offending people I do know and can see! Besides, "a fool gives vent to all his emotions," says the writer of Proverbs. If I show pictures of my creations or home improvements, is it bragging? If I tell of my children's successes, is that a way of patting myself on the back?

Blogging, by nature, is a self-absorbing activity, is it not? I mean, if I posted pictures of the kitchen chairs I just painted, would you "ooh" and "aah" in my comment box? Self-absorption. How about if I wrote a poem or an article? Would I post it for your approval in the name of wanting to "encourage" you? I am so aware of my thoughts--and yet so unaware of my heart because it's deceptive--that I cannot get away from the fact that "everything I do is tainted through with sin," in some way.

I've now written and deleted several things . It all sounds so petty and...well, self-absorbed.

Right now I am actively rowing the Titanic. My arms are just about worn out from trying to avoid hitting an iceberg in my personal life. God has given me the grace to call "May Day! May Day!" (and no, that is not an intended pun, believe it or not, given this is a day in May). I thank Him that He is the Captain, the Anchor, the Ocean, and the Lifeboat. He's all that and more!

In the future, I want to make more of Him and less of me.

But I might just slip up and sort-of nonchalantly post a picture of self-absorbed me and simply spit out the question, "So, how do you like my hair?"


2cats said...

Recently I changed how I blogged. I started by doing fictional things, but now I am writing more about myself. I do not feel self absorbed. I think that this is your blog and you can make it whatever you want it to be. If you offend someone who reads it then maybe that is their problem not yours. You are entitled to your opinion. Just because it is your opinion doesn't make it right or wrong, it is just that...your opinion. I can not be offended by something just because it may be different than mine.
Write about the chairs you just painted. I would love to see them. Write about whatever is in your heart, or mind, give it a voice.

Laurie said...

Dear Zoanna,
That old question about whether or not to say this or that and of whether or not to reveal this or that and the bigger question about what we say that might be wrongly perceived or misunderstood can be plaguing at times whether in speech among family, friends and acquaintances or in what we write/post and upload photos about on our blogs. I KNOW!
There is huge opportunity for being open to judgment, misunderstanding or downright meanness from others...
as there is opportunity to be self-absorbed
while we question our own hearts or wonder if we are entertaining self-absorbed sinful motives etc by what we choose to write or reveal... I KNOW!
However, there is also opportunity as we write and reveal and read and discover to have fellowship, and opportunity for practicing grace and mercy as we realize that we are ALL in the process of sanctification and in need of grace.
I struggle with the same things concerning blogging and worry about how I’m perceived, and that in itself reveals pride or fear.
I hate that something that can be a fellowship tool can become a source for similar sins we find in our local church fellowships. Then again, should we be surprised? (Okay, I’m veering off here, you know, like a “seasoned blogger” and a “seasoned church member”!)
When you say that "everything I do is tainted through with sin," in some way”, I personally and experientially concur wholeheartedly, but could knowing this be even greater opportunity for practicing mercy and grace toward one another. It’s true that we are tainted through with sin! Totally depraved! That’s the starting point in our relationship with Christ and our relationships with others. To God be all glory!
We do want to make more of Him and less of ourselves! And at the risk of sounding defensive about blogging and “self-absorption” I think that sometimes when we blog we may inadvertently give glory to God by revealing our need or our dependency upon Him (sometimes through repentance) or blogging may direct glory to Him by talking about or posting pics of His creation! What say ye?

I thought of this quote by Augustine, and though he clearly was speaking to issues larger than blogging, I think the truth still applies.

So, please remember this as you write. Please do not beat yourself up or think too hard about how you’re coming through. To put this more personally, maybe even self-absorbed, selfishly or sin-tainted, I’ve said it before and it’s still true, I so appreciate your friendship, your words and your fellowship through blogging! ~
Be who you are, and trust God for His purposes!
We stand (and fall) on God’s grace and Christ’s merit alone! Thanks be to God!

Disclaimer # (I’ve lost count): Please forgive my many words (longer than your post!) and lack of brevity comment and forgive me if I’ve not been clear. Please?
I pray for grace!

Amy said...


no thoughts to share yet...but wanted to say that I *am* reading.