Not only hearing that Linda was moved to hospice yesterday and given two weeks, this past week overwhelmed me with sadness.
May 11th was the anniversary of the death of Tim B, who committed suicide in 2006. He was 26, the oldest son of my friends Sandy and Sal. Tim was on the cusp of graduating from seminary.
Yesterday, a conversation with one neighbor left me sad over others:
-the woman who left her husband two months ago
-another lost his job and had surgery all in the past two weeks
-another is still hobbling around on a foot she broke in early April
-another is limping from a back she "threw out" while mopping
The saddest thing is being so unaware of the hurts of people around me. That old self-absorption has its fangs in my soul.
More sadness...Sarah brought home the sweetest puppy from a girl who has rescued him from an abusive neighbor of hers. The puppy, a Lab/greyhound mix, is so lovable and skinny and playful and happy, he found his way into my heart in 24 hours. But Paul said we can't keep him. The girl came and got him at noon. I was a blubbering mess from then on during my yard sale. I loved that little dog from the moment I brought him into the house. He will not have trouble being adopted, but I will miss his spirit, his face, his sleek mini greyhound body with the ribs showing, his obvious gratitude for all things edible and even the way he sped through the house like it was his new racetrack. When Molly accepted him in everything except the feed trough (and growled to prove it)m Joel said, "We should put their names on their bowls to keep them from fighting." I am sad. I wanted to keep him. Not foster him, adopt him. But I, at least in word, did as Paul said. I gave him back. He is still in my heart.
So the yard sale? Well, sad results numerically and financially. It brought in a whopping 23 dollars. How pitiful. I was told by one customer that there were just a handful of yard sales in my community this year. What's happening? Is yard saling dead? But at least I got in good fellowship w/ Bonnie and she wasn't upset the results (that she let on ,anyway). And I was able to donate the equivalent of all the cubic feet inside a Chrysler minivan to Goodwill.
Tomorrow marks the anniversary of a friend's brother who committed suicide when he was 16. I was 14. I will never forget that horror. Every May 16th I remember and pray for that family. It tore them apart.
So I thought I'd be glad when April was over! I am also sad as I face the reality that our little school will closing for good on June 11th .I picture a ghost town instead of lively halls of learning. Quiet bad, not quiet good.
Oh, and I took a ride to PA for groceries and fell asleep in the car. Paul locked me and my purse in for safety, and left me to nap while he, Sarah, and Joel shopped. Unfortunately he made the mistake of locking me in so well that I couldn't override the security button to let myself out when I woke up. I tried to open the doors, but the alarm went off--three times--. So I was a prisoner in my own car. Funny, but sad.
And then tonight I had an unproductive conversation with someone. I am blind and can't see myself. Sad. Darkness, go away.