I don't know
What it is
But it is
Gonna be great."
These words from the hit musical "West Side Story" are ringing in my head. Last night a couple of sisters in Christ asked how they could be praying for me. I mentioned a couple of specific needs right off the cuff, but then told them of a vague and blurry vision of something I am being called to in the sense of mercy ministry. I can't put my finger on it. You can probably identify: when God has given you a gift that isn't being tapped, and then he taps you, but doesn't clarify it right away, you wait. You wait with eagerness and joy and a bit of fear and apprehension that life is suddenly going to be different. Scary at first, but better in the long run.
Maybe you're old enough to remember the commercial for very thick Heinz ketchup where the person holding the bottle over their burger or fries is waiting, and the little jingle goes, "Anticipation is making me wait." And then the plop of ketchup is worth the seeming eternity it took to reach the bun.
I feel like I'm holding the bottle of ketchup but the contents are invisible.
Anticipation is making me wait.
Perhaps this stirring comes from reminiscing on my missions trip to Russia in 2007 with Sarah. It was June, like now, when my heart swelled with compassion for orphans, and for those oppressed by spiritual blindness and bad theology,
and with anger that the Church and I were not actively keeping abreast of the poor and suffering. I lament that I have fits and spurts of caring; my heart does not beat steadily as Christ's does. There is a "hole in my gospel" as I read recently in the World Vision newsletter.
Sometimes I just want to give everything away and live by faith alone.
Other times I love the affluence of American culture.
Sometimes I weep over the memories I have from visiting Russian orphanages. Or from visiting preteens there in "social rehab centers," as they're called.
Other times I pay no mind to the oppressed people in my own neighborhood because I don't care enough to pray for them.
I am praying that God would make it clear what I am supposed to be doing with this anticipation, this stirring of the mercy gift He has put in me.
I don't know
what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great.