I think spiritually and emotionally exhaustion turns out to be a good thing. You have to choose whether you want to stay there fighting for your own way or give in to God's way. You look at the situation and say, "Am I going to blame it all on the Enemy, other people, circumstances, God, or the
environment?" You realize there is a mix of yuck in your life and you are largely to blame for it.
Yes, there is an Enemy who is trying to devour us and make us devour others in our path. Yes, there are the sins of other people which definitely play a role in the hurt and sadness you feel. Yes, most times our circumstances leave much to be desired. Come to think of it, the month of May was not much better for me than April--worse, actually--but I realized, "Okay, you want to go into June like this, too, or get down to the business of forgiving, healing, praying, and moving on?" I realized my anger which fueled a battle against God, who is able to do all things so why not do them my way?, was a losing battle. I am dealing with the disconnect between my stated beliefs and my practical beliefs.
Reading the book called Because He Loves Me is really helping me. I went to Elyse Fitzpatrick's 2-day seminar a couple weekends ago and can't say enough good about it. I almost didn't go. To my shame, I thought the title sounded lame. Lovey-dovey and infantile. 70s hippie groove karma, it's-all-good propaganda. But the Lord said, "You need to go, Zo. You don't understand love." He said it so gently, but so firmly, I knew I had to go, no matter how I felt about the title.
Amyway, I have been reading the book every morning and journaling--or should I say almost copying the book verbatim (something I said I'd never do)?-- because it is that good. It is that necessary. I poo-pooed the word gospel as cliche, if you want to know the truth .Thought it overused in my circles. Wondered if those who use it really think about it .Question is, do I?
How often does the gospel (shorthand for incarnation, sinless life, death, burial, bodily resurrection, ascension, and future return of Jesus Christ) really intersect with my daily life?
Does it matter to me? Really? Is it transforming me? Can anyone see a difference between the way I was and the way I am? Truly? Or am I merely a Christian who prays in crisis, separates big sins from small sins, thinks I can self-atone by doing better with my lists of self-improvement, is essentially better than certain people but certainly worse than others whose joy, diligence, and obedience put mine to shame?
That's where I've been camping. Lots of downs in my camp, but I'm seeing myself more now as God does. I think. I don't know. I am taking baby steps in my understanding of His great love.
Can I ever just fully believe that He does, no matter what, love me? EVen if I never do another blessed thing for Him? Can you believe it for yourself?
2 comments:
"How often does the gospel (shorthand for incarnation, sinless life, death, burial, bodily resurrection, ascension, and future return of Jesus Christ) really intersect with my daily life? Does it matter to me? Really? Is it transforming me?"
Your questions here remind me of something I was reading over on Holy Experience last week in a post called "What the real witnesses of Christ really do."
In that post Ann asks the question: Because if the resurrection is real, shouldn't it make a real difference?"
I think that's the same thing you're asking. It's also a question that's been resounding with me. My desire is to be real with people and "show them my resurrection" so to speak. For me, that's been a real fresh way of reminding myself of what the gospel really means in the dailiness of life.
good stuff.
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