Please read and critique this letter for me. This is for the job I think I'd like at the local hospital selling newborn portrait packages. I found it online through CareerBuilders.com. There was no contact name, just MidAtlantic Recruiting, so I ded the best I could with what little info I had.
September 26, 2007
Dear MidAtlantic Recruiting,
I am very excited about the job opening listed by photo company Our365 for a part-time Baby Portrait Sales Representative.
Having been out of the workforce for the past 20 years to raise and homeschool four children, I do not have a bona fide resume. But this I can assure you: I know how to sell whatever I have a personal passion for. I have successfully sold my own custom-made wreaths, as well as textbooks, clothing, and artwork as an eBay seller. When Hurricane Katrina struck, I started a short-term, non-profit organization using my sewing and persuasive skills to recruit seamstresses from 12 different countries to make and send unique disaster relief bags that I called Katrina Kits. These bags were filled with toiletries for all ages and toys for children. I raised the money for the items by going door-to-door, sending letters, and promoting the effort online. I even convinced our local FedEx shipping station to offer me the charitable rate from October through February. All in all, we sent 259 full Katrina Kits to a distributing church in Texas.
As an avid amateur photographer and scrapbooker, I have a passion for recording special family moments. Certainly there's nothing more life-changing than becoming a parent nor as gratifying as becoming a grandparent. Pictures of newborns at the hospital are priceless because babies are never again just a few minutes, hours, or days old.
I am positive I can convince new parents and grandparents of the importance of investing in baby portraits. Having giving birth to four children in various hospitals, I remember that some photo sales experiences were better than others. I've also cared for children with special needs in Russian orphanages, and know how to remain calm and reassuring in highly active (and sometimes stressful) hospital settings.
What I excel in is giving care to young mothers and their babies. To be your best employee, I would use my knowledge, care, and personal experience to provide new parents with a fond newborn-portrait experience. Trust and sensitivity are crucial when working with people, especially in a medical environment; I believe people respond instinctively to my care. As a mom, photographer, relief aid worker, family historian, orphanage helper, home educator, and eBay seller, I am absolutely certain that this job as a newborn-portrait sales rep is the one for me.
If you would like to talk about it, please call soon. I am actively seeking employment to fund the current phase of motherhood: college!
The best times are between 10:30 a.m. and 5 p.m.
Please call me at your earliest convenience. I am actively pursuing employment and would love to work for Our365.
Sincerely,
Zoanna Z........
10 comments:
I would certainly find you an excellent candidate for this job!! They should be completely sold on you...your resume should be proof that you can sell!
YOU'RE HIRED!
that letter is more convincing than any resume I could imagine anyway. I am praying you get this job--I can just see you in it!
sounds great
Now that I glance back again, the editor in me has to tweak :) I think I'd revise the end--it's just a tad too redundant/desperate. Plus the one-line paragraph stands out a little awkwardly. Maybe just:
"Please call me at your earliest convenience. I can best be reached between 10:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. I would love to work for Our365."
Hmm. I can't find a way to work in your "I am actively seeking employment to fund the current phase of motherhood: college!" sentence. I did kind of like that--but I don't think you should say "I am actively pursuing employment" twice. And "If you would like to talk about it" sounds a little odd/vague.
I'm out of time, but maybe my thoughts can get you jumpstarted to revise your own way...
I love, love, love the rest of the letter :)
yeah, now that I read over my comment--definitely find a way to use your sentence about college funding. It concludes the letter more personally and with your voice better than my dry edit.
Now I'm rambling--hope my comments make a little sense at least :)
Ack! Amy, you're right. I didn't catch the sentence I used twice about "actively seeking employment." What happened was I copied and pasted that sentence where it is in the second place, but forgot to cut it in the first! I did that with another sentence,too, which I did catch, but at any rate, I wanted to use what advertisers and sellers use: urgent language. I was hoping not to sound desperate, even though I am. (Just goes to show you I wear my heart on my proverbial sleeve. Maybe I should get some tank tops??)
Thanks for your editorial help. I already sent the letter. If the money's decent and they can flex w/ my kids' college schedules, I'll probably take it, although tutoring is my first desire.
Thanks, Bethany!
Amy: one other thing--I also wanted a way to remind the employer that I'm not some college kid looking for a PT job.I am a mature (read: oldER) woman who values motherhood and education, sort of a combo of "softie" and "professional" image which is what baby portrait sales are about, right? Basically saying, "I'm reliable, I've been doing the mom thing for 20 years free of charge. Now I need money to continue doing the mom thing with adult kids!"
I'd hire you. Hope you get the job or find one tutoring. Have you considered posting an add on Craigs List as a tutor? I don't know what it is like where you live, but I have friends here who make $50 and up as tutors...that may be high but even half that is pretty good.
I can also imagine you being an excellent shadow for a child with special needs. I know that many autistic children must have these to be in an integrated class room. I've seen postings on CL...pay is usually pretty good.
Sarah, thanks for the heads-up about CL. I had not thought to look there. Wow! When I did, all sorts of intrriguing jobs came up.
Thanks, too, for the vote of confidence with helping autistic kids. So far I have not found a gifting there, but we'll see. I'm not afraid to explore.
Amy: one other thing--I also wanted a way to remind the employer that I'm not some college kid looking for a PT job.I am a mature (read: oldER) woman who values motherhood and education, sort of a combo of "softie" and "professional" image which is what baby portrait sales are about, right? Basically saying, "I'm reliable, I've been doing the mom thing for 20 years free of charge. Now I need money to continue doing the mom thing with adult kids!"
yes--I think all that totally came across--and makes you extremely valuable, I'd think!
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