Sunday, October 11, 2009

Up and Down

My emotions have been tossed like a salad this week. Up, down, up, down. I'm not saying "rollercoaster" where the highs are astronomical and the lows are pits of despair. But my emotions have been lifted easily into the air like lettuce and shredded carrots, and dropped like olives and boiled eggs to the bottom of the bowl.

Down: It's been a more difficult week at school than usual, emotionally and logistically.
Up: Our Middle East party was attended impromptu by the grandmother of a student who brought meat pie (a popular dish in Turkmenistan, his country of research). The grandmother was quite impressed with all the students' oral and visual presentations. (So was I.) Two boys and one girl dressed like Muslims. So cute. One boy kept pronouncing "hummus" with a long "u." I let it go during his presentation, but told him at our mini-feast that humus is dirt. Did he want me to pass the dirt?

Down and up: We visited my 30 year-old nephew in the hospital last Saturday two days after his aorta surgery. While he was up and about when we got there, he has not been released yet due to slow healing. More upsetting to me than his physical condition, though, is his spiritual state. Wow, the man is so deceived and needs Truth, which we shared clearly, but wonder the influence we had, given the medley of meds he was on. It was quite touching, though, to hear him say, "Aunt Zo and Uncle Paul, I'm really glad you came. You were the first people I wanted to see when I came out of surgery."

Down: Two weeks ago my husband said we'd probably just have to wait till the kids were out of college to buy a new carpet and furniture for the family room.

Up: Saturday, though, we drove up to Morgantown and found a gorgeous leather sofa for $600 less than the one we loved at Bassett. We haven't bought it; will we? I refuse to believe it till I see it anymore. And while we were at it (at the furniture mall) Paul was game for replacing the wobbly kitchen table and six chairs-- and said getting a carpet would be "no big deal."

Up: On Sunday afternoon I went to my parents' home to celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles, which is called Sukkot. For the past few years, they've been putting up (on their deck) a collapsible wood booth that Daddy engineered. My mom and others decorate it with corn stalks and harvest fruit, both real and fake. This year they invited my family and several of their neighbors. I was the only one in my immediate family who was keen on going, and I was keen mostly on seeing my folks whom I obvsiouly don't visit often enough, which is sad because they live only fifteen minutes away.

Down: I almost cried, in fact, when two different neighbors of theirs, when I introduced myself , said "Oh, I didn't know they had more than one daughter. I only ever see the one. Where do you live, out of state? " And when I told them where, it was even more awkward. I could go on, but I won't. I just feel the clock ticking away and the only time we're together is to celebrate something. I want to be part of a family that just "does life" naturally, not needing something on the calendar to bring us together. But then again, it's not just my side of the family. Paul doesn't see his family except when there's a wedding, heart surgery, or funeral, so maybe I shouldn't bemoan the unique sense of disconnection I'm feeling. Can anybody else relate?

Up: My little boy asked me to snuggle with him when we got home from school yesterday.
Down: He was feverish but cold.
Up: I offered him a heating pad for his cold body. He said, "No, thanks. I don't need a heating pad. I have a warm head."

Down: I felt like a loser of a mom by comparison to the women being honored by their daughters at our ladies' meeting last night.
Up: I sat next to my daughter who has turned out to be a lovely young woman in spite of my parenting. God is truly a Redeemer.

Down: I had a dream my husband was operating on me. He anaesthetized me to do heart surgery, but while he was at it, he reconstructed my bladder and sewed my jaw shut. Hmm.... I told him about the dream this morning when we woke up. "Don't get any ideas, " I warned him. Then I got up and skipped to my loo.

Up and down: I am staying home today to care for my sick boy and to clean parts of the house that have started writing messages to me in the dust and clutter. Messages like, "I can't breathe" and "Please give me oxygen." I'll be up and down all down, physically, caring for my son and my home while the rain comes down outside and I sing to lift my spirits up.

1 comment:

Danielle said...

That dream you had was FREAKY!

Hope you focus on the UPS more than the DOWNS of the week!