One week it was grace that seemed to summarize my weight loss (or maybe I should have termed it mercy, because it's all grace) when I did nothing to deserve progress on the scale. Another week it was perseverence, when I kept going after a gain, feeling crushed in spirit.
I would describe the past two legs of my journey with the word honor.
To make this brief, let me say that Paul wanted me to consider quitting Weight Watchers for two reasons:
1. He thinks I can lose weight on my own now.
2. We could save $12 a week.
I felt he was trying to sabotage my success. I stomped my feet metaphorically and wagged my tongue not-so-metaphorically. It was unfair of me. He was simply saying that his confidence is in God, not in Weight Watchers, and now that I was applying self-control to knowledge, walking in repentance, did I really need a support group or to spend 12 dollars a week to get on a scale? Wasn't Karen enough as a human accountability partner?
I seriously thought he had reduced my progress to dollars and cents and maybe he secretly didn't want a thin, attractive wife. (Yeh, like that's ever be going to be thought by any man!) I wish I didn't have to confess how furious I became, but such is the nature of the beast within.
When I finally calmed down, I realized I had unfairly accused him. He truly believed I had reached a point at which I could go it alone. And he truly thinks about money way more than I do. Honestly, he thinks about money to the degree I think about food--which he has confessed is a problem--but I will say he's made far more wise choices with money than I have with food, prior to April 29th when my journey began.
He really had no ill will toward me. Isn't that sick that I could think my beloved would not want me to continue this blessed quest for satisfaction in God, as well as health and freedom? How my thoughts had distorted his meaning and built a case against my prince!
Still, I was not ready to quit WW cold turkey. So I asked him if he'd be okay with my going every other week? He said it was up to me. Oh, joy! I had the opportunity to put my newfound
habits to the test of 2-week accountabilty as well as the chance to prove to Paul that I honored his (very deep) desire to save money. All I asked of God was to please help me lose at least 1.5 pounds a week for two weeks. All I asked of Paul was that if I couldn't do at least that much, please believe I still need weekly plunking down of money in exchange for motivation.
Well, I am thrilled to report how God honored both Paul's desires and mine.
After a two-week hiatus from WW, I weighed in today.
Loss? 3 pounds.
I almost giggled when the lady told me. The Lord seemed to whisper to me as I stepped off the scale, "He who honors Me, I will honor." (I Sam. 2:30)
Total now: 18.4.
I'm down a dress size and a pants size.
Most importantly this week, I have seen (by looking hard for) increased faith in God because of my husband's request--a request that initially sent shockwaves of fear and subsequent fury through my body. It revealed to me just how powerful my thought life is and that's what I really need accountability for.